when untactful adults who haven't seen you for years start asking you why you're still single at a family party, here are some wonderful replies:

I'm too much of a slut to settle with one person
I actually hate people
I'm still hoping to get back with the ex, it's a bit difficult with the restraining order
I only like men who can afford my hourly rate, but most of them are already married
It's hard to find a good man who is into cock and ball torture


Oh how much fun I would've had if my parents weren't right next to me