123 posts

I look nice today, High heels, tight, semi short skirt, make up and a fitting blazer over a tank top.
On my way to the train stop, a guy walking by me said "How you're doing, gorgeous" and just kept walking. I tugged at my sleeve, and thought "What the fuck? Can't you see I'm invisible?"

It's funny....I try to look nice, but not to turn heads or get awkwardly hit on. It's more to hide that I'm actually pretty insecure...Not about the looks, but about my character. Looks too...Like, I know all about my figure, and I know my ethnic features appeal to some...But overall...Meh...I'm average, an average Jewish looking girl. So, I wear heels and skirts to feel confident, to build a wall, to perhaps look unapproachable, unattainable....Yet blend in and be invisible. I don't think I'm lying per se....Cuz I do feel sexy most of the time...But dressing like that allows me to indulge in a fantasy, pretend for a while that I can pull the look off and have the personality to back it up...If you talk to me you see the shyness and lack of confidence (not when I model though) but when I just walk down the street, head high, hips swaying with every step of the heels....I appear to be in control at least I hope hehe. Most of the time though it feels like people can see right through my shit. I blush at ANY sort of attention...It's ridiculous.

Few days ago I was thinking, what if I was to dress the way I feel? What would I wear?
It varies from grey hoodies and jeans to corset and slutty yet classy dresses....As it would for every person I imagine.

Speaking of clothes. I just finished David Sedaris' Naked. The end of the book focuses on the authors experience in a nudist colony. I love my body. I love shooting outside nude when no one is around....But frankly, I din't think I'm mature enough to be around naked older people....I guess it would take some getting used to and would help me mature in the end....But damn, it would be awkward for a while....The thought makes me cringe. Does that make me a hypocritical nude model?