Giving up is the easiest thing to do. I overbook to compensate for not wanting to get up in the morning. I depend on MM to feel my worth. It's fucked up.
I have decided to take an indefinite break from modeling right after Cali. I'll still do self portraits, and may be shoot with the few friends I made....But I'm just not feeling it at all....Not feeling anything really. As much as the desire to stay in my room and never leave is strong, I know that would lead to a complete break down....I keep telling myself I'm becoming stronger with every year....I'm not. I go through cycles confidence to worthless....And I'm tired. I have no drive left....I will still do my new photo project, because I need distractions, i need to stay busy, just not through modeling.



made me feel better. Gonna stop being annoyingly self-deprecating =D

i swear new self portrait shots coming today!