I'm getting back into film, gonna bust out my zenit, and make magic

Today I had a very busy day. I twirled my hair and watched tv......sigh

The Beginning =)

Edit of an old pic

Will Get You Anywhere

Yesterday

I got to watch a fashion shoot. Team of 7 people, 1 model, 14 looks, 11 hours. She is my hero. Suzy from an agency. Pretty girl. Hit every fashion pose perfectly, didn't complain at all and ate pizza. We didn't speak, but somehow I felt connected to her. Especially when she told the stylist that usually her hair is curly. And when the make up and designer clothes came off, she put on her jeans, tank top, converse and a messenger bag , and went to hang out with friends. I fell in love with her at that moment, just for a second.

Here are some images from the set.

I Make Glam

My African-American literature since World War II class has a deep impact on me. One of the books, Black Boy, by Richard Wright, made me think of my cousin. So I bought it for her, and gave it to her on her bday. I didn't know if she'd wanna read it, after all it's a college level book, taht I decided might be interesting to a 12 year old, whom, quite honestly I barely know. She is growing up in a white suburbia, she might have already had stereotypes within her, that would make her disinterested in a black writer of 1950's.

She texted me today, saying that she started reading it, and it's awesome. She's taking it with her to the Jamaican vacation she's going to with her family. I texted back, saying that we should get together, talk about the book and actually get to know each other.

I gave her the book, because I feel like it's very important to understand suffering, and prejudices. Being of Jewish descent, she should be able to relate to the Holocaust books, but to draw that parallel with another race, another history, to be able to understand why racism is evil and ignorant....that's what makes one humane. And by all means, I want her to be humane. I also think that reading about someone who knows right from wrong, even though everyone around him tells him otherwise, is extremely empowering. To find the strength in books and art, even if your family doesn't understand or support it. This is not the case with my family, and I know her parents push her into al kinds of extra curriculum activities, so that she;s well rounded. But they're always so damn critical of her. They have her best interest in mind, but somehow i get the feeling that neither her mom nor her dad can really see her. So I wanna be there for her.... Somehow...I think sharing thoughts on a book is a great start.

some people who are my age take amazing pictures, make it into a production.

I sit under a lamp and click away with my remote.

Vanity Is a Sin

I found an old piece of writing. Not sure when I wrote this.

Why?

Why are relationships burning, it is my only worry. While high school shootings happen in Boston. I am preoccupied with my own joy or sorrow. And in a crowded school, in a corner, lays a wounded girl. I have the same shirt. At the bottom of my closet, bleached out, blue, no longer soft fabric. Her future is frozen in time, while mine will bring trips to Rome and Venice.

I bite my nails. Put my arm around my sister. The clock keeps ticking, and the realization of someone else's death fades. I switch the channel to cartoons. I have a project due wednesday morning. Still need to draw a sketch. I turn on the music and start sketching.

Will my project turn out decent?

New York Fucking City

Once, when I was in high school I went upstate with my then boyfriend's family. They had a nice house, with a lake near by. We kissed with tongue there for the first time. I kissed him, actually. So we were making out all over the place, and just being teenagers in love. About 16 years old.

We went to the lake once, me and him. There was a man, in his 30's playing with his kid. A toddler. And watching them two, in the setting sun, him raising the kid in the water, above his head, providing support for his child ...I got a very intense fear of being infertile. I don't have that fear anymore. I don't care if I have my own children....I could adopt.

i'm so used to being a muse. This hurts. I'm sorry.

the Light

It's cloudy in NYC

Life

My teacher stayed after class to talk to a few students. A small, intimate lecture... He talked about the market, work ethics, attitudes. Then he looks at me, and says "the moment you graduate, we will be competing for the same jobs"...I look down and hide a smile. No we won't, I will be a photographer or a stripper.

here are some nuts

Point you toes. Her hand goes inside of you, her mouth leaves a warm wet feeling on your neck. Your voice betrays you, your body moves with her rhythm. You disappear in the moment, and only one thought remains... "Point your toes".

Thing is, you're off camera.

Her

Today I met Valya.

Thank you Vlad.

None sense

The Island